Man, the idea of being open or vulnerable is a complex concept. Mainly because when you hear people talking about being open, it always has a negative tone. Letting your guard down and letting others into your life sounds dangerous. The very definition of being vulnerable is to be susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. So why would we want to do this again? There are some benefits that I'll share with you in this post. I've had my fair share of open season, which has not always been a good experience. I've also witnessed people around me trying to be vulnerable. And well, I wasn't convinced that it was the thing that I should do. I couldn't wrap my head around it, but as a therapist, I know all too well how freeing it can be.
It wasn't until I was a little older that I started noticing how my "closedness" (yep, totally made-up word) impacted my relationships. Friendships, love relationships, everything! They weren't at superficial status, but they weren't at their maximum potential. And to be honest, the only person that wasn't benefiting from these relationships was me. I pride myself on being a good listener and was so blessed to have others come and confide in me. But when it came to confiding and sharing on my side, well, I only gave people a portion. Fear set in, despair, feeling like one day someone was going to use that against me, so I chose to keep a lot of things to myself. Perhaps others noticed it, but no one noticed more than me. I felt lonely and empty inside.
I wanted to make changes and feel the closeness and connection that other people felt about me. I remember sitting down with a dear friend at work and talking about life. She shared some very delicate things with me, and then I thought, hmmm, maybe I'll try it too. And I did; I shared something about myself that she did not know about. Turns out it wasn't horrible at all. It made me feel better.
From that moment forward, I had to shift my thoughts about vulnerability. THERE IS STRENGTH IN VULNERABILITY!! At that moment, I could truly embrace myself and my journey. And it was great to see the people who are part of my support system lift and encourage me. Relationships started feeling much more equal. It's incredible to have people willing to see me unmasked yet don't want to hurt or criticize me. It's good to know that I can be me no matter my state.
Now, I dare to move forward and embrace my flaws, errors, and mistakes, knowing I don't have to keep them from everyone. I love that I have people I'm connected to who will embrace those flaws as well and help me push forward, even on days when I don't want to. I love connecting with people who may share similar stories as I have, and we press forward together. That's Empowering. That's Strength. That's Open Season.
I'd be very dishonest if I said that this is easy. It's not; it's a constant struggle that I work on daily. However, I know that the reward is much greater. You'll feel good about yourself. You'll find that your relationships are much closer and more connected. You'll learn to conquer fears you didn't think that you could. It's worth a try!
Here are a few tips on how to embrace the open season:
1. Own who you are: The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it! When you know, know who you are (I said it twice, lol), then it's less likely that others can hurt you with what you already know.
2. Identify a sound support system: Generally, these people are always in your corner, no matter what. If you share your deepest, darkest moment and they haven't run away, judged you, or used that against you, chances are they are here to stay and want to see you win. You cannot and should not be vulnerable with everyone. Use your best judgment!
3. Take your time: Vulnerability doesn't require sharing everything too quickly. I like to think of being vulnerable as a baby learning to walk. A few steps will eventually get to a full sprint.
4. Share as much as you'd like: You don't have to share everything, but be comfortable enough to reciprocate your emotions and feelings to those who thought you were safe enough to share their thoughts and feelings.
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